Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
