My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
