i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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