youre lurking in front of me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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