Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
