This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
