Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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