please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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