I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
