just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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