I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
