dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
