dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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