I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize