can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
