I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
