I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
