It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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