It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Say something about gay babies.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
