I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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