Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
