Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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