did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
