Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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