First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
