She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
