Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
