so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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