no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
