Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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