I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
kristin has been a bad kristin
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
