If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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