It's Friday. Sex?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
