May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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