so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
