You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
