Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
