No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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