every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
