Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
