i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
