Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
