FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
