That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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