Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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