when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We have started to decorate penises.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
