You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
