I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
