So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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