hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
